What have you tied your worth to?
The realisation that I had been chasing the wrong things and felt lost the whole time made me cry my heart out for the duration that I was in Mecca, all the time feeling safe and enveloped by Allah’s light
The woman you see today is not the woman I was
Lets rewind a few years back…..
I was driven by monetary success and my achievements were all that I found worthy of myself. Outside of my academics, I did not have an identity.
I was always chasing for more and more, never truly feeling complete.
I was in a constant cycle of emotional overwhelm as I struggled with the internal conflict of desiring more but then feeling empty when I achieved it.
I had no time for relationships and was never present with my loved ones, constantly hustling
The turning point came when I went for my first Umrah. That was a defining moment in my life as I was no longer running.
I finally paused to acknowledge the inner battle within me, without the hustle and distractions of modern life.
I finally allowed myself to feel all the emotions I had suppressed, afraid and unable to regulate myself.
I finally admitted to myself that I was on the road to self-destruction as I fought between who I was and who I thought I should be.
It was no surprise that a tsunami followed. I cried my heart out for the duration that I was in Mecca, all the time feeling safe and enveloped by Allah’s light (If you have ever been, you know what I mean)
I had some huge realisations during my time there, where I would sit for hours praying, reflecting or just watching the ka’bah.
I was tired of being the driven, over independent woman who was the strong one and could never show any signs of vulnerability.
I was tired of being the first graduate in my family who fulfilled her parent’s dreams, without ever putting a foot wrong.
I was tired of being the ‘perfect’ one and the pretence of holding onto this image of perfection was slowly killing me.
I was tired of the constant emotional overwhelm which would lead to anxiety attacks, low mood and the suicidal thoughts.
That one trip saved my life and to this day I am forever grateful to Allah for calling me, as that began the journey of me becoming the woman I am today.
Being able to regulate my emotions, become more aware and resilient, use my emotions as a guiding tool has been the best thing I ever did for myself, for my relationship with God and for how I show up as a mother, daughter and wife.
This is why I am so passionate about helping highly ambitious, driven women to be equipped with the Emotional Intelligence skills to ditch the hustle culture and start living an aligned life and they don’t have to do it alone.
